A map of how you connect, and why.
Your attachment style shapes how you love, how you fight, how you pull close and push away. Understanding it is one of the most compassionate things you can do for yourself and the people you love.
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, maps the invisible architecture of how we relate to the people we love. It starts in childhood — in how consistently our caregivers showed up — and quietly shapes every close relationship we have as adults.
This isn't about blame. It's about understanding. When you can see your pattern clearly, you stop being ruled by it. You get to choose.
The quiz below draws on the same psychological dimensions used in peer-reviewed research — anxiety and avoidance in close relationships — translated into questions that feel human, not clinical.
Most people recognize themselves immediately in one — and see uncomfortable echoes in another. That's normal. These are patterns, not prisons.
Comfortable with closeness and independence both. Can ask for what they need without shame, and give space without fear. Conflict doesn't feel like a threat to the whole relationship.
Loves deeply and wants closeness more than most — but that same depth makes distance feel unbearable. Hypervigilant to shifts in a partner's mood or attention. Needs reassurance that love is still there.
Wants love as deeply as anyone — but intimacy activates the threat system. Draws people close, then pulls away. Learned somewhere that the people who love you are also the people who hurt you.
Built a capable, self-sufficient self that doesn't need much. Values independence. Learned early that needing others doesn't work — so they stopped, or learned to suppress it so well it feels like they never did.
20 questions — 8 behavioral scenarios, 12 emotional statements. Answer honestly, not how you wish you were.